Shadow Sisters by Shelley Davidow

Author:Shelley Davidow
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: University of Queensland Press
Published: 2018-02-07T05:00:00+00:00

14

Aftershocks

The afternoon heat shimmered over the bushveld. My sweaty toes left prints on the dashboard of J’s new car. He had a big part in an upcoming movie and income for the next few months would be assured. His reputation in the film industry hadn’t suffered.

She didn’t want to ruin him. Just me. The New Year had begun.

‘I miss the kids,’ he said and pulled into the campground.

‘I bet not as much as they miss you,’ I said.

I stood on a jutting edge above the rock pool. Sunlight shone into it. A breeze lifted my hair and fanned my cheeks. Over tens of thousands of years, water had carved out pools and caves on its long journey through the mountains.

He sat on the water’s edge, metres below.

‘You should come up here and jump with me,’ I said.

‘I’m too old,’ he said, shading his eyes. ‘Besides, I have a great view from here.’

I leaped off the edge, crossing my arms in front of me and plummeting. I hit the water and sank. The cold knocked the breath out of me and, when I finally rose to the surface, J was in the water, swimming towards me.

We lay on a rock that radiated latent afternoon heat, our flesh white against the earth. I felt my continent under my pulsing chest, and wished to be the colour of this land, dark enough to absorb light rather than reflect it.

His body grew warm against mine.

‘Wait,’ I said.

‘I can’t,’ he said.

Night fell over the bushveld. The Milky Way shone so brightly I could see the outlines of distant hills and craggy outcrops. Monkeys screeched from the trees. Far away, the call of a night-bird.

I lay on his chest. He couldn’t feel that tears were wetting his T-shirt.

On the drive back home I hardly said a word. Eventually he asked me what the matter was.

‘We shouldn’t have done what we did, J. It was a stupid risk.’

~

Rosie saw me getting out of J’s car. He waved to her and, from the veranda, she waved back, then dropped her empty hand to her side.

When he drove away, she vanished into the house.

I dumped my bags in my room and knew that I no longer belonged in it. The pictures on the walls, the knick-knacks on my desk, the stickers on my mirror, the choice of curtains, bedcovers and pillows did not match my interior.

That evening at the dinner table, I had no words. I looked at Rosie and she did not meet my eye. Ntokozo and the boys filled the room with laughter and chatter, covering over, for a moment, the void that gaped within me.

If people expected my parents to treat me any differently after the scandal, they would have been disappointed. My parents, accustomed to a world where tides shifted and faltered every day, treated me just the same as they always had. They said if J wanted to visit, he was welcome.

Lor said this made her more in love with my family than ever.

~

Rosie started her third year at school behind.

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